tired.

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     Do you ever just get tired of life? I know that's a really depressing way to start off a blog post but as any loyal reader of mine would know it's not always rainbows and sunshine over here... because it's life. It's my life, and if we can all just be real, our lives aren't always beautifully, vsco filtered junctures. For me I like to stay busy, but the more I grow into the woman God is molding me to be, the more I realize I need more time to retreat. 

      You see, growing up I was always outgoing, extroverted and unapologetically myself. I could open up to anyone, and be friends with just about anyone. I don't know if it's growing up or just the bearings I've been dealt within the past few years, but I find alone time so much more rewarding and vital in order to stay fair-minded. I noticed this just last month. I was at a social gathering of about 15 people. Not that many if you ask any extrovert, but for some reason I found myself overstimulated and by the end of the night drained. Don't get me wrong, I had a great night, but I realized that week I had no alone time. No time to stop, turn my phone off, and just be. Just think, Just write, or just do nothing. I had no "retreat time" and I needed it. 

Moving forward this month the feeling continues. I have a packed schedule and loads of tasks on my plate. Some that I can't get out of nor do I want to, and some that I have said yes to, because like I said earlier I like to be busy. But it's taken a toll. I am tired. ALL THE TIME. I don't mean just physically, but mentally, emotionally. It's almost as if conversations are a little bit harder for me to contribute to unless I've had like 3 shots of espresso. I get home and flop on my bed as if I have been pulling stubborn weeds from a garden all day. This is not good. I know I need a break, a time to get away.

Because life is life and being a 24yr full time worker, blogger, student, church leader, and more, the likely hood of me being able to stop everything and go on vacation for a "break" is very little. I have to learn how to delegate tasks, manage my time and find moments where I can be alone (don't we all). It's in the stillness that God speaks to me, in those quiet times I feel renewed and more powerful than before. It's in the moments where I am not struggling to keep 3 texting conversations going, 5 IG messages, posting, my job, and social life a float that I can really breathe. Those are the times where I am liberated from responsibility and I am alone to take care of myself. To be with no one else but God, and man, it is good.

If you can relate to anything I have said so far then I challenge you to get alone today, even if it's just ten minutes. Turn your phone on 'do not disturb' and take a few minutes to slow down your breath. If it helps, put on some soothing music. Whatever happens during this time is for you. If it's to do nothing, then do nothing. If the stillness brings you to prayer, then pray. If the stillness brings you write (this is usually what happens to me), then write. Whatever it is that your "retreat time" brings you to, do it. These are things your soul longs to do. Those natural tendencies are what your inner you has been begging to have time for. You'll be amazed what could come out of it. It could be that piece you've been needing to write. That song that answers everything or that prayer that gave you the peace you needed to continue forward. Whatever it is, it is good and it is just for you. I promise you will feel refreshed and that much more able to take on the world ahead. 

Here's a verse from the Bible that always helps me when I'm feeling drained and in need of a refreshing moment...

  Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG) 28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to  me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk  with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t  lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely  and lightly.”


As Told By,

Amanda.



Amanda Smith1 Comment