growing out of the old you.

People won’t allow themselves to ever voice what they’re thinking on the inside;

But they are secretly hoping you can never change.

That you stay the same forever

That you always fit their oh so sophisticated ideology of you. 

How could you know any different trapped, chained, and handcrafted in their ghost-white walls they built around you?

The air is cold, it asks for the same heartbeat pattern, number of exhales, and expect nothing to evolve. 

Not there. 

But within the confines of safety and comfortability, i watched my performance crumble. 

Roses turned to tomatoes. 

A standing ovation now 

An audience of backbones back with a new bone to pick with me. 

“This isn’t you.”

“What happened?”

“Are you okay, you haven’t been yourself lately?”

Animals without a leash, owner, and commands to obey tend to scare people. 

Just like I was scaring them. 

I guess not knowing what i might do next shattered their fragile beliefs. 

I could run away into a dangerous world or take a giant shit on their perfectly constructed world views.

Between you and me, i’ll probably do both.

Just for the fun of it

or to prove that I am no household pet, instead of a wild gazelle free to run and shit as she pleases.

My evolvement comes with no apology, justification, or filter.

It’s not that i don't give a fuck, i do. 

I do give a fuck, in fact, i give a lot of fucks. I give so many fucks I'm running low.

I won't sugar coat my new found philosophy’s, opinions, and convictions so it’s easier for you to swallow. 

Maybes it’s good that you can’t swallow it in one gulp.

How boring would life be if we could taste it all in one gulp?

I'm thankful for my freedom

It doesn't scare god. 

He knows of the things I left behind.

The ideas, rigid morals, the “I think this version of me is working”’s 

All escaped leaving me room to find my true self.

This isn't a hippie thing, “let me smoke a blunt, travel, let go of everything I've ever known to find myself” message. 

This is a story of breaking out of a box. 

A story of discovery. 

Discovering more colors, shapes, sizes, smells, and emotions the world has to offer.

Heck, that god has to offer.

You can choose to come along, resurrect that ‘you’ you’ve never known, or keep out of the way.

Keep getting offended and shocked that I do not nor will I ever fit into you mold again.

I can either keep disappointing the romanticized character I play inside your mind or be...me

Which choosing the later will result in the first. 

So I guess it's not really my choice now, is it?

-a.s